It seems like everything is falling down, down, down...The leaves off the trees. The mercury in the thermometer. The Dow on Wall Street. It's Fall. Or autumn. But Fall seems more appropriate. Look at everything that has fallen off the face of the earth...Circuit City and Linens -n- Things are gone. Bankrupt. Lehman Bros. gone. Looks like Detroit auto manufacturers as we once knew them....also Gone. Received an email from my editor at Daily News Record, THE retail press for the men's wear industry for almost a century. As of Nov. 25, GONE. Most of the gains 2002-2007 in the stock market, and 401-Ks nationwide. Also Gone.
Do you think President-elect Obama has even once looked at his wife and said "OMG, what have we done!?!?!?!" This is a big mess to fix. Good luck. I'm going to feel upbeat about this. Julie
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
NAME GAME
The whole "What to call you" conundrum is really complicated when you don't share the same surname as your spouse. I have one last name, Robert and the kids, another. So it seems like no one in the school set...teachers included...know how to address me.
I grew up in New York, where I STILL call my friends' parents Mr. and Mrs. ______ But having been in the South for some time, I have learned that the way many resolve it is to simply go with Ms. Whatever-Your-First-Name-Is. In my case, it's Ms. Julie. I think it has to do with Southern manners and gentility or something. But it's a nice segue. Ever since my kids were babies, we have refered to our adult friends as Ms. or Mr. First Name. So that's the moniker my kids reach for first. Preschool teachers are always called Ms. Beth or Ms. Kelly or Ms. Stacy -- and so are the moms. It's kinda funny when an old friend comes over who has a nickname from the past ... I am thinking about my college pal Sue whom we refer to as Krabby. My kids call her Ms. Krabby.
But in elementary school, the drill changes...The teachers use their last names. Ms. Tracy morphs into Mrs. Smith. Now the confusion comes in for the kids on what to call their friends' parents. Do you stick with what you've been doing, or move up to the more proper Mrs. Smith version. Half of those who called me Ms. Julie in preschool still do, the others now call me Ms. Vargo. The newest friends might call me by my son's or daughter's last name...or "Hey" and just start talking. Still others, and these I love, call me "Mrs. Graham's Mom" or "Mrs. Amanda's Mom."
You know what, I guess I don't really care what they call me at this stage as long as they aren't rude and are still talking to me!
I grew up in New York, where I STILL call my friends' parents Mr. and Mrs. ______ But having been in the South for some time, I have learned that the way many resolve it is to simply go with Ms. Whatever-Your-First-Name-Is. In my case, it's Ms. Julie. I think it has to do with Southern manners and gentility or something. But it's a nice segue. Ever since my kids were babies, we have refered to our adult friends as Ms. or Mr. First Name. So that's the moniker my kids reach for first. Preschool teachers are always called Ms. Beth or Ms. Kelly or Ms. Stacy -- and so are the moms. It's kinda funny when an old friend comes over who has a nickname from the past ... I am thinking about my college pal Sue whom we refer to as Krabby. My kids call her Ms. Krabby.
But in elementary school, the drill changes...The teachers use their last names. Ms. Tracy morphs into Mrs. Smith. Now the confusion comes in for the kids on what to call their friends' parents. Do you stick with what you've been doing, or move up to the more proper Mrs. Smith version. Half of those who called me Ms. Julie in preschool still do, the others now call me Ms. Vargo. The newest friends might call me by my son's or daughter's last name...or "Hey" and just start talking. Still others, and these I love, call me "Mrs. Graham's Mom" or "Mrs. Amanda's Mom."
You know what, I guess I don't really care what they call me at this stage as long as they aren't rude and are still talking to me!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
MRS. REGAN
I have been thinking long and hard about this subject. The subject of what my children's friends should call me. When my son was young I initially had a problem with kids calling me Mrs. Regan . I think the difficulty was my ability to cross over into being a Mrs. Regan. This made me feel old, and I just wasn't ready to be a seen as a Mrs. to children.
So here I am ten years later with my 5 year old, and all of her friends call me Maureen, but something has changed. Perhaps I have grown up and am older. Perhaps I realize that the casualness of it all has created no separation between adult and child. This can be masqued as a cool and groovy thing. Being friends with your kids friends, but somehow this isn't always the best approach. It doesn't mean that I can't be friendly to them, it just means that children should know that a separation exists between them and adults. The difference which embraces experience, wisdom and most of all respect. Who is in control here?
My daughter's friend who is five years old was sitting in the back of my car singing. She asked my daughter what she thought of her voice and my daughter didn't reply. I jumped in and filled the space quickly by paying her a nice compliment " you have a very beautiful voice, and it is so nice to hear you sing" I said. As I glanced in the rear view mirror I caught her rolling her eyes at me as she flippantly replied " I wasn't talking to you!"
I think I'm ready to be addressed as Mrs. Regan.
So here I am ten years later with my 5 year old, and all of her friends call me Maureen, but something has changed. Perhaps I have grown up and am older. Perhaps I realize that the casualness of it all has created no separation between adult and child. This can be masqued as a cool and groovy thing. Being friends with your kids friends, but somehow this isn't always the best approach. It doesn't mean that I can't be friendly to them, it just means that children should know that a separation exists between them and adults. The difference which embraces experience, wisdom and most of all respect. Who is in control here?
My daughter's friend who is five years old was sitting in the back of my car singing. She asked my daughter what she thought of her voice and my daughter didn't reply. I jumped in and filled the space quickly by paying her a nice compliment " you have a very beautiful voice, and it is so nice to hear you sing" I said. As I glanced in the rear view mirror I caught her rolling her eyes at me as she flippantly replied " I wasn't talking to you!"
I think I'm ready to be addressed as Mrs. Regan.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
So today I heard some disturbing news. A man who had an MBA and was in the financial industry killed his wife, three kids and mother- in- law cause he lost all of his money. How disturbing and sad. Another story I heard was that there was a man who was on top of his game, made loads of money, divorced his wife of 21 years, married a younger woman and was married three weeks when the economic collapse occurred. His young wife left him, he lost his apartment and he is now jobless,broke, and homeless.
We are heading for tough times, and people must learn to deal with a kind of adversity they have never known. Being the youngest of five I can remember my father teaching sixth grade all day long, then heading straight to the deli to work through the night. He did this without ever a complaint in order to bring in enough income to feed, dress and keep a roof over his children's head. I am stunned at how spoiled people have become and that includes my own children. Again, when I was young, going out to dinner was a REAL treat. We might go once a month to Howard Johnson's whose clam rolls and chocolate lollipops with the pictures of HJ on them still make my mouth water. Kids today go out to dinner more often in a week then eating at home. The idea of special is lost. As a mother of two ( 16 year old son, 5 year old daughter), I have to remind them constantly not to take for granted all that they have and do. I think it can fall on deaf ears, as did all my mothers stories of walking miles to school, owning one pair of shoes, and living through the depression. It was unimaginable to me.
I am as guilty as the next Mom, giving too many rewards to my children for simple tasks that my mother never even acknowledged . She accuses me of complimenting my children too much. She thinks it breeds a culture of children that grow to be adults that have entitlement issues, since as children they got trophies even when they lost a game. When I was growing up you had to learn how to lose and there were NO rewards. This is what prepares you for life. I am scared that we are not allowing our children to experience good and bad, which in the end will provide them with the experience and tools that are necessary to survive. God knows there are lots of people that are going to need them now.
We are heading for tough times, and people must learn to deal with a kind of adversity they have never known. Being the youngest of five I can remember my father teaching sixth grade all day long, then heading straight to the deli to work through the night. He did this without ever a complaint in order to bring in enough income to feed, dress and keep a roof over his children's head. I am stunned at how spoiled people have become and that includes my own children. Again, when I was young, going out to dinner was a REAL treat. We might go once a month to Howard Johnson's whose clam rolls and chocolate lollipops with the pictures of HJ on them still make my mouth water. Kids today go out to dinner more often in a week then eating at home. The idea of special is lost. As a mother of two ( 16 year old son, 5 year old daughter), I have to remind them constantly not to take for granted all that they have and do. I think it can fall on deaf ears, as did all my mothers stories of walking miles to school, owning one pair of shoes, and living through the depression. It was unimaginable to me.
I am as guilty as the next Mom, giving too many rewards to my children for simple tasks that my mother never even acknowledged . She accuses me of complimenting my children too much. She thinks it breeds a culture of children that grow to be adults that have entitlement issues, since as children they got trophies even when they lost a game. When I was growing up you had to learn how to lose and there were NO rewards. This is what prepares you for life. I am scared that we are not allowing our children to experience good and bad, which in the end will provide them with the experience and tools that are necessary to survive. God knows there are lots of people that are going to need them now.
More on Madonna
Maureen, I love that Man-donna....so perfect. Not an ounce of fat which really sends some message to the other women of our generation. I remember when we were writing A FEW GOOD EGGS and she was talking about getting pregnant for a third time -- because OF COURSE she didn't have any help with little Rocco there.... We both said no way, not without help. If you have no fat, you have no curves, you have no estrogen, you get no baby. Hey, I found this article Amy Sohn wrote about us in New York Magazine....you know, in addition to not having any fat, women not having any sex ...or enough sex ... to get pregnant. And there's Madonna again!! You know, I think Amy Sohn really got it. PS... I always tell friends who tease me about getting older that I don't care because I will always always be younger than Madonna...and sorry you had to get out of 27/7 wear to go see her.
No Sex, No Baby
Spending tens of thousands on infertility doctors and drugs means nothing if couples aren’t connecting in the bedroom.
By Amy Sohn
Published May 29, 2005
With many American women (and men) choosing to start families later in life, some are forced to turn to infertility treatment for help. Though there have been huge advances in the field over the past decade (which is why you’re seeing so many twins these days), in many ways infertility treatment is still the Wild West of medicine.
To provide some common-sense advice, Maureen Regan and Julie Vargo have written a guide for the perplexed, A Few Good Eggs: Two Chicks Dish on Overcoming the Insanity of Infertility (ReganBooks/HarperCollins). Despite its occasionally cloying style, it’s surprisingly gutsy and no-nonsense—an Our Bodies, Ourselves for the Sex and the City generation. And among the more surprising revelations is the authors’ belief that many infertile couples simply aren’t having sex frequently enough to conceive.
Over dinner at Ruby Foo’s, Vargo, 45, a slender brunette journalist from Texas, and Regan, 44, a Long Island literary agent tell me their own infertility tales. Both endured years of bad advice from OB/GYNs before switching to reproductive endocrinologists and going on to have successful pregnancies—Vargo with the help of hormones and Regan naturally, who conceived while on vacation with her husband.
Part of the problem with infertility, they say, is that the causes and factors are unique to each couple, but many doctors don’t do enough detective work, like asking about the couple’s sex life. The textbook definition of infertility is inability to conceive after one year of regular, unprotected intercourse, but a year of sex at the wrong times can add up to nothing.
One OB/GYN told Vargo that it’s hard to persuade couples to pencil in sex on their calendars. “He said, ‘They come in and complain that they’re not getting pregnant,’ ” Vargo recalls. “And when he asks how often they’ve been doing it, they say, ‘Twice last month.’ You only have twelve chances a year to get pregnant, and if you don’t know the right time to have sex, you can’t just do it twice a month.”
“I know couples that are more comfortable laying on that cold table in the doctor’s office,” says Regan, “than cozying up to each other. After you’ve been going through infertility for a while, sex becomes so technical. It’s not sex anymore.” When sex becomes clinical, goal-oriented, and obsessive, many couples would rather not have it.
But there are other reasons couples aren’t getting pregnant. For example, Vargo and Regan speculate that long-term use of the Pill can lead to fertility problems for some women. Vargo took it for sixteen years and thinks it may have contributed to her problems. “Our generation is the first generation to have been on the Pill so long,” says Regan. “If you’ve been taking hormones that are fooling your body for twenty years, and you stop and tell it to be normal right now, it might not happen, especially if you’re of advanced maternal age.”
Other women have problems, they suggest, because they’ve been pursuing a narcissistic lifestyle for so many years: smoking, drinking, having unprotected sex, dieting, and exercising excessively. Certain STDs can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease, which can affect fertility. As for chronic dieting, “estrogen, which is essential for conception, hangs out in your fat cells,” says Vargo, and trying to be ultraskinny is counterproductive.
The same culture of self-worship can trick older women into thinking they have more time than they do. Many fortysomething women, they say, look at their well-maintained, twentysomething-looking bodies and believe they have eggs to match. “Women need to know that you may look great, but your eggs don’t,” says Regan. “They age.”
When I point out that an equal percentage of fertility problems is the result of male factors, they insist they are not pointing fingers at women. “Most men are not going to pick up a book on infertility,” says Vargo. “The book is written from a woman’s perspective to other girlfriends, because they are the ones who are going to take the lead dealing with this.”
They are buoyed by the fact that celebrities like Courteney Cox and Brooke Shields have begun talking about infertility. But they say many celebrities stay quiet about their struggles, which ends up being misleading. Geena Davis, 45, recently gave birth to twins, but statistically, says Vargo, with IVF, “if you’re 45, you have a 3 percent chance of getting pregnant with your own eggs. You have a 51 percent chance if you use a donor egg” with IVF.
Women who aren’t in the know, they say, look at these celebs and think late-in-life pregnancy is easy. “I would hate for someone who’s 33 to look at Jane Seymour, Madonna, and Davis and say, ‘They were over 40. I don’t need to think about it now,’ ” says Vargo. “They need to think about it, because it’s not so easy when you’re older. I feel lucky that I got through the door before it closed.”
No Sex, No Baby
Spending tens of thousands on infertility doctors and drugs means nothing if couples aren’t connecting in the bedroom.
By Amy Sohn
Published May 29, 2005
With many American women (and men) choosing to start families later in life, some are forced to turn to infertility treatment for help. Though there have been huge advances in the field over the past decade (which is why you’re seeing so many twins these days), in many ways infertility treatment is still the Wild West of medicine.
To provide some common-sense advice, Maureen Regan and Julie Vargo have written a guide for the perplexed, A Few Good Eggs: Two Chicks Dish on Overcoming the Insanity of Infertility (ReganBooks/HarperCollins). Despite its occasionally cloying style, it’s surprisingly gutsy and no-nonsense—an Our Bodies, Ourselves for the Sex and the City generation. And among the more surprising revelations is the authors’ belief that many infertile couples simply aren’t having sex frequently enough to conceive.
Over dinner at Ruby Foo’s, Vargo, 45, a slender brunette journalist from Texas, and Regan, 44, a Long Island literary agent tell me their own infertility tales. Both endured years of bad advice from OB/GYNs before switching to reproductive endocrinologists and going on to have successful pregnancies—Vargo with the help of hormones and Regan naturally, who conceived while on vacation with her husband.
Part of the problem with infertility, they say, is that the causes and factors are unique to each couple, but many doctors don’t do enough detective work, like asking about the couple’s sex life. The textbook definition of infertility is inability to conceive after one year of regular, unprotected intercourse, but a year of sex at the wrong times can add up to nothing.
One OB/GYN told Vargo that it’s hard to persuade couples to pencil in sex on their calendars. “He said, ‘They come in and complain that they’re not getting pregnant,’ ” Vargo recalls. “And when he asks how often they’ve been doing it, they say, ‘Twice last month.’ You only have twelve chances a year to get pregnant, and if you don’t know the right time to have sex, you can’t just do it twice a month.”
“I know couples that are more comfortable laying on that cold table in the doctor’s office,” says Regan, “than cozying up to each other. After you’ve been going through infertility for a while, sex becomes so technical. It’s not sex anymore.” When sex becomes clinical, goal-oriented, and obsessive, many couples would rather not have it.
But there are other reasons couples aren’t getting pregnant. For example, Vargo and Regan speculate that long-term use of the Pill can lead to fertility problems for some women. Vargo took it for sixteen years and thinks it may have contributed to her problems. “Our generation is the first generation to have been on the Pill so long,” says Regan. “If you’ve been taking hormones that are fooling your body for twenty years, and you stop and tell it to be normal right now, it might not happen, especially if you’re of advanced maternal age.”
Other women have problems, they suggest, because they’ve been pursuing a narcissistic lifestyle for so many years: smoking, drinking, having unprotected sex, dieting, and exercising excessively. Certain STDs can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease, which can affect fertility. As for chronic dieting, “estrogen, which is essential for conception, hangs out in your fat cells,” says Vargo, and trying to be ultraskinny is counterproductive.
The same culture of self-worship can trick older women into thinking they have more time than they do. Many fortysomething women, they say, look at their well-maintained, twentysomething-looking bodies and believe they have eggs to match. “Women need to know that you may look great, but your eggs don’t,” says Regan. “They age.”
When I point out that an equal percentage of fertility problems is the result of male factors, they insist they are not pointing fingers at women. “Most men are not going to pick up a book on infertility,” says Vargo. “The book is written from a woman’s perspective to other girlfriends, because they are the ones who are going to take the lead dealing with this.”
They are buoyed by the fact that celebrities like Courteney Cox and Brooke Shields have begun talking about infertility. But they say many celebrities stay quiet about their struggles, which ends up being misleading. Geena Davis, 45, recently gave birth to twins, but statistically, says Vargo, with IVF, “if you’re 45, you have a 3 percent chance of getting pregnant with your own eggs. You have a 51 percent chance if you use a donor egg” with IVF.
Women who aren’t in the know, they say, look at these celebs and think late-in-life pregnancy is easy. “I would hate for someone who’s 33 to look at Jane Seymour, Madonna, and Davis and say, ‘They were over 40. I don’t need to think about it now,’ ” says Vargo. “They need to think about it, because it’s not so easy when you’re older. I feel lucky that I got through the door before it closed.”
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Last night for the low price of $195 a ticket( YIKES) I went to see Madonna. I am not a real concert goer, but I decided that I should see the material girl before the end of an era that embraced well...just that. Madonna was more buffed than Linda Hamilton in Terminator. The concert should have been called MANdonna the Metal tour, as she clearly had distain for all that she was. At one point she sang a song called It's Not Me and ran around the stage tearing up four dancers that represented different personas she held over the years. The wedding virgin, the material girl, the papa don't preech I'm an unmarried pregnant teenager, and the ever so famous torpedo cone bra woman. Clearly this woman is having an identity crisis, and after all these years and all these looks, now that she is half a century old she has settled on a masculine woMAN?
Given that she has two children, resides in England, and writes flowery children's tales I thought perhaps she would have softened. It was quite the opposite. You would have thought she learned manners all those years in England but no....she showed up an hour and a half late to her own concert. She kept all of Madison Square Garden waiting.
I had to get out of my 24/7 wear...wash my hair, put on make up and ride a train to the city to see this concert! What a shame.
Given that she has two children, resides in England, and writes flowery children's tales I thought perhaps she would have softened. It was quite the opposite. You would have thought she learned manners all those years in England but no....she showed up an hour and a half late to her own concert. She kept all of Madison Square Garden waiting.
I had to get out of my 24/7 wear...wash my hair, put on make up and ride a train to the city to see this concert! What a shame.
24/7 Wear...Perfect for the Morning Mom Marathon
Today I did the every-Tuesday twice-to-school dash ...part of the morning Mom marathon I participate in daily...warming up each a.m. by running around the kitchen prepping breakfast, making lunches, rousing kids, delivering coffee to husband, tossing laundry, sweeping floor, feeding dog, pottying dog, picking up newspapers from the front lawn I never get to read. You know the drill. All in prep for the mad dash up the hill to our within-walking-distance elementary school. Tuesdays get a twist.... I have to dash the three blocks up the hill to school twice...once to get my son to the 8:15 bus that takes him and four other friends cross town GT...then again at 8:30 to get my daughter to her class. Yes, they could walk themselves, but I am part of that passel of paranoid parents who succumbs to safety in numbers. With me as one of the numbers. Anyhow, Maureen, as I was literally RUNNING back down the hill, I thought about how great 24/7 wear is ... you know, that outfit that you put on at night to sleep in and with minimal accessorizing, wear the next day... Today I had on the cami and leggings I slept in accessorized with a PEACE,LOVE, MOM tee shirt, which was cute, and sneakers. Works. When it gets colder, add Ugg boots (who cares if the stars aren't wearing them anymore?!) and a snazzy, butt-covering sweatshirt of some type. Throw on some lipstick and sunglasses and ta-da, mommy chic. Well, chic enough for the GT bus driver and the first grade teacher....and running off to Costco and the bank, which is where I am heading next. xo Julie
Monday, October 6, 2008
In the beginning....
Here we are! Finally, a place to put out our thoughts on EVERYTHING!!!!!! Maureen, what should we talk about first? What part of life and where to begin....
I am obsessing about the economy. What is going on! It's like Oz and the wizard is behind the curtain pulling all the strings. I do know it's not good for all those big spenders...the jig is up for all those who have been overindulging in the culture of too much...Glad I already shop at Costco and Target... Now big question will be where should I put my money now -- under the mattress? in a jar buried in the backyard? I think this whole thing will put a focus back on appreciating what is really important -- family, kids, a roof over our heads, our health... We need to get back to appreciating the basics. Interesting times, interesting times....
I am obsessing about the economy. What is going on! It's like Oz and the wizard is behind the curtain pulling all the strings. I do know it's not good for all those big spenders...the jig is up for all those who have been overindulging in the culture of too much...Glad I already shop at Costco and Target... Now big question will be where should I put my money now -- under the mattress? in a jar buried in the backyard? I think this whole thing will put a focus back on appreciating what is really important -- family, kids, a roof over our heads, our health... We need to get back to appreciating the basics. Interesting times, interesting times....
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